114 of 365: Looking at Life

I always wanted to tell my story about my life. But not everybody wants to hear that.

But... since my birthday is coming closer each awaken moment... I thought I'll make a longer post today.

Let's start with the day I was born early. Or rather... well, let me just tell you.

May 5th 1986, I was born at Richmond, KY at a hospital that was then called Patty-A-Clay Hospital. I was born 2 weeks early due to my mom falling down a flight of stairs. She was lucky but I was not. I had been born just 2 weeks too soon. Because of being born 2 weeks early, they later found out that I was born with a dislocated hip on the right side. It was possible that it was because my mom fell down those stairs that made my hip dislocated in her womb. I had this thing where they popped my hip in place and had to wear a cast for a while. Somewhere along the line, it was discover that I had a hearing problem. Then after that, I was told that I had rolled off the bed and had to get my hip popped back in place. I never walked at the right moment.

I grew up being strange. I never talked English until I was 5 years old. So I was never taught to speak right. I did speak well enough for others to understand me. I always wonder if it's because of this late speaking that I wasn't able to learn my sentences right, etc. I was told that I was never good at grammar and spelling. But that didn't bother me or the teachers. They gave me helpers all through school. At 7, I made my first best friend. He and I stuck together until middle school/high school. Dunno when that was. But I was a very imaginative kid.

I didn't had real friends. Most of that was because of my dad. He hated people so much that if I invited my friend over, he would get pissed. So that was the first and the last time I ever invited my best friend over. It grew worse over the years because I was a really quiet and kind person.

Third Grade or when I was around 8 or 9 or 10, I forgot what age, but I was held back for that grade because I was sick with chicken pox the year before. They made me stay behind because I missed an important test. I hated it but then again, I didn't had much a good childhood either. I can remember bits and pieces like going to Tennessee vacation at 5 or 6 years old. Getting my SSI as a child at that time, etc. I only had one best friend. I grew to love him by 5th grade. Then by middle school, we somehow ended up on different teams. I was on the one end of the school, he was on the other. We stilled talked and ate together during lunch.

Of course, that was when guys started try to make fun of me more. I was chased by a female whom gotten pregnant at 12. I never saw her again after she had the baby. She actually quit school at 8th grade. I remembered loving the teachers and always enjoy talking to them. It was strange how I got along with teachers more than classmates.

High school came, and my life changed. I became a loner on purpose but I was always kind and spoke to others that wanted to get to know me. I met great people during that time. Most of the teachers like the one in grade school became my idols. Then I lost my grandfather at that time.

Actually, I lost my dad's side grandfather when I was 7. Then lots of other people who died in car accidents and suicides. So my life was never a happy one.

I wrote stories at middle school because that was when I began to read more. It was around the time my grandfather died when I gradually got out of writing stories. I was really good then, believe me I was. But some reason, I was never good at sentences. So, don't get me wrong, I always wrote like this since I could remember. I always remember that I enjoyed singing and dancing. Everyday, I sing. Hehe. I wrote songs as a child. And still do every once a while. I was never taught any instrument because my dad was like that. He did got me a guitar but I got out of it because people made fun of me. You see... I get out of things quickly if people made fun of me. It seems... dancing and singing are the only two things that never stopped me.

Anyways, back to high school... my grandfather passed away when I was 16/17. Again I don't have a good memory because I had a bad time during that time. I was highly depressed and lost tons of weight. I was skinny. If any of you seen my prom picture, that was because I was depressed before and had lost all that weight. Of course, I had two stages of depression happened to me. This is my third stage... because I'm losing weight the wrong way. (Don't tell my mom or she'll tell me that I'm gonna kill myself again... These people these days!)

I was happy when I left for college. Because I wanted to get out and away from home. My family are all broken apart since my grandfather passed away.

During that time, I didn't know what to do. But I had my mind set to writing then. Then I realize something years after I was forced to drop out of college what I really wanted to do. I wanted to teach English to people who can't speak English.

Yes, it had been my dream before. And thankfully... I met all kinds of people online. And with the world getting bigger on the Internet, so does my life.

Anyways... I really want to teach English but with a lot of things going on with my life, I can't find a job because all the jobs here locally are not hiring anymore. When they do hire, I had no way to get there sadly.

So, I'm making a donation page for you guys to help if you want. I'm not begging nor am I forcing you guys... But you're welcome to help out if you want to. The choice is up to you.

And there's something else I learn: I am not the only one who suffers each and every day. There's people out there that are like me in some way and maybe the same way.

Who knows...

Well, that's all for now.

With love,

BDK

And you're welcome to donate to my paypal. :)