Alright, seems like it's another day of trying to figure out why I am the way I am. Well... you know, I blame my mom just this once. I tell her I want to go out get a job. She tells me there isn't any. So... all the jobs are literally outside of town or the city limits. Walking there takes me a while because of where I live. It would be nice to live closer to these jobs. All the jobs nearby or in town are not hiring. I asked. Believe me... I have asked many times. Plus, the businesses are closing one by one. Where are all the jobs in town? Outside of town. 10 miles out of town. And I can't keep walking every day without the fear of getting hurt or worse. That's me.
I'm scared of being alone. That's just the thing. And this town is full of druggies and yes, there have been reports of rapes here too. A class mate of mine had been a victim of one after she graduated from school. And people seem to take an issue on me because of who I am. I don't like asking... Never did. And my last name doesn't help because this county is full of bad people with the same last name. Sucks to be me right now.
I want to move. It takes money to move. But I can save money really easily. I think I will do that from now in hopes to get enough to escape from here. Time... isn't my friend right now. My birthday is next month (two to three weeks from now in fact!) And I'm not getting any younger. I'm trying out for jobs online (Legal jobs... don't worry.) And I wish I remember the website that actually did paid me (proof on Paypal!)
Really... I'm up for suggestions and yes, I want somebody to drive me to places. This county has nothing here! Nothing that is worth living here anymore.
Really... who in world loves this place?
All I want is my dreams to be real. I know it takes work to get there but crap, people... I GET IT! I'M TRYING. But my mind is betraying me.
Don't worry... I'm fighting my mind.
And now...
I'm being worthless right now so... I'm up for suggestions on what to do next. And don't say "Go kill yourself" because... really... you're an idiot for thinking that.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
PS: Also... I told my family that I don't want to go to Lexington, KY in June. But do they listen? No. I'm going but I'm going to tell them that I don't want the SSI. With the way things are going right now, it's pointless to get that.
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