I know it's been a while...

 I realize that I have been lacking on a lot of stuff. But mental health does that to you. I try not to lose interest in the things that I love and enjoy. But again, it's hard.

Surviving is the issue to most of everything these days. I want to tell my parents how I feel but they already lost their trust in me for no apparent reason. And that hurts.

Each day, I can't help but feel even more trapped. I try telling my mom that I need to do things alone more often. But she seems to want to add that she wants to join in. Sometimes I wondered if I need help.

I am a strong person but I have been angry, sad, hurt, and every kind of negative emotion there is out there.

While I am happy that I found the one for my heart, I can't stop what is happening to me in the real world.

I need an escape. I need to show my parents that things needs to change. It can't be on repeat and they NEED to trust me.

All this time, it hurts.

I asked my mom why she doesn't trust me alone again, but the answer is weird. Make more sense.

My mom needs help. I know she does. She just doesn't want to seek it. She feels like they would send her away. But they won't. You just need somebody else to talk to about what is going on with your mind. She needs it. I need it.

I wish somebody would kidnap me. Like literally. Each and every day, they are making me feel the effects of FOMO. Literally fear of missing out. I know I should feel this way, but it's beginning to feel this way more and more.

I want to breath the normal of other people. But I'm not normal. And I will never be normal.

Just because I had that major surgery, doesn't mean you use that to your advantage. I am more than capable of taking care of myself. I just wish they could see that.

But I've been hurt ever since my mom told me that she didn't trust me alone. Like what was that when you were in the hospital all those times before, mom? What happened to you to make you not trust me anymore?

My parents don't like changes. I can see that now. But they were born during the time where there wasn't computers, video games and many other types of technologies. It's understandable that they are the way they are... but they shouldn't push that onto people like me.

I've been dealing with computers since I was put into kindergarten. I will never stop using technology. Even as the day of AI age is coming and more advanced technology is coming. I will always be apart of it all.

I only wished my parents would learn to trust me again. Because there's no reason for them to act this way towards me. They need to learn to let go.

That's all I want... my freedom. My hope. My dream. An escape.