289 of 365: Weird Sleeping Habits

It's been a while but I really want to type this out here instead of going on Facebook. Sometimes, I get these things on my mind and lately... it's making me think about about what's happening around me. So... here goes nothing:

As I grew up in this small town, it made me think about how imperfect it is. Many people always take pride for this county but I tried so many times but always end up being hurt inside. Something always tell me to escape and leave from everything. I will maybe one day leave.

But who knows what will happen if I do. I was told to go to Lexington but it doesn't take a hop and a skip to get a job anymore. Maybe in your mind it is easy, but it's not actually. With the government being strange, it's hard to trust anybody.

I can't do interviews. I tried... but when I got there to speak, I went blank. I had to realize... that what they taught you... they never done a hand on hand version of it. So, it was nearly impossible to figure out what to say. I was like "What should I say?" Then he asked the bombshell question... "Why can't you drive?" I was like... "Well, nobody has ever taught me." Then they said "Thanks." Of course, what am I suppose to say? It's not easy as 1, 2, 3.

Then a person asked me to get my permit... but you don't understand... even if I somehow get that... what am I suppose to do next? Learn to drive? How? It's not like anybody is going to step up and offer me to drive. Oh, ask my dad? Ha... That's a laugh. I asked him ever single day of my life to learn to drive. And so far, he has not say anything about it. He's always quiet about it.

It's a struggle. It can't be a struggle but yet, it's a struggle. It's not easy. Nothing is easy.

So being bullied almost because a truth that I already know well of doesn't mean you make me feel better about it.

So why am I talking about this? Because I am well aware that this year will be over. Am I happy? No. But it doesn't mean I can complain about it anymore. Why not? Well, I think I learn something...

Anyways... I'm still scared to take my hand on being alone... but I will have to one day. So I want to be ready.

So... I just wanted to get that out of my head now and go back to what I want to make a reality about... I want people to stop using the truth to hurt others. Tell them that it'll be alright. Just be brave and stand up.

Say no to bullying.

And so my weird sleeping habits will be back again tonight. Hopefully I can sleep before 1AM... hopefully.

That's all.

With love,

BDK