Questioning Who I Am As A Person

Sometimes I begin to question about who I am as a person.

As many of you know, I came out as she/they. It's short for she/her/they/them. And I came out as grey ace. Recently, I found myself being demi and pan both. Because my attraction changed a lot over time.

And come to realize that I am... not like I was as a child.

Being raised around men, I am friends with a lot of males. And my attraction is a mix... because I fell in love with something that nobody knows about truthfully. I like people who are both male and female in one body. Is that strange for me to say? Not really.

So it came to realization that I am okay with who I am with.

And my partner brought me understanding that I love them just the way they are.

Alright, shall get on with the rest of the day. Busy day tomorrow.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Good News

I am just glad that today is over. I am just glad that my mom has good news. So yea.

I hope that this will continue through out the days and months ahead.

I'm hoping that I can get some rest tomorrow. So yay me.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Got A Lot of Stuff To Deal With

I got a lot to deal with for tomorrow and Friday and Saturday.

I just got a lot of stuff to deal with for now. Then I hope all will be well for me.

Who knows what else to do.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Be Glad To Get This Whole Week Over With

I gotta say that I am gonna be glad to get this whole week over with.

But yea, I will be okay. For now.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Stress

I am just trying to do my best. 

Stress seems to be getting to me. And I am trying my best.

That's all.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Busy Week Soon

I am just tired. That's all. I want a day where I can be at peace and alone so that I can relax.

Seeing that my challenges are writing next month, I am going to try my very best to do things. 

Starting Friday, I am planning the challenges that are weekly based out... and the daily ones start that day as well.

So it's gonna be fun when I do start it. 

I will be carrying more journals than ever. And the daily journal will be ending soon. So yay me.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Second Opinion

Today, my mom went to another eye doctor to get a second opinion. And this one was much better and kinder. They told her that she does need to see more into what is going on with her eye. It's not normal to be bleeding in the eye like that.

So she is going to see her family doctor next Friday. And going back to London on Wednesday to a specialist. Anyway to figure out what is the cause of the bleeding in her right eye.

We know for sure she does have high blood pressure... so yea... it's gonna be a long ass time for this issue.

And to add that she is going to have a mass removed from her thyroid sometime either this year or the next year.

Just a whole lot of stuff going on.

And guess who thinks only about themselves? My dad. As soon as we got home, he decided to go mow the yard again. He already mowed it not long ago... well, this week alone.

So... my dad thinks that he can work himself to death that we wouldn't have to rely on him, but we do. The local transit services suck ass.

Ah, well... nothing I really can do about it all.

See ya tomorrow.

B

No Doctor Should Be This Way

I'm just happy that today is over. Not the good happy though. The eye doctor is a bitch for starting it all.

Mind my language, but that is how she felt to me. She literally scared me and my mom to death over this. And over nothing too.

I told my mom that I cannot go to a doctor who is constantly negative about things. No doctor is supposed to be that way... especially when there are people WHO actually has those problems. So to scare people who are not serious or healthy that way... is a big nope in my book.

Anyway, I'm tired so I'm gonna rest for awhile... no streams, but maybe a movie night for me, myself and I.

Hopefully tomorrow, I can be free from all things negative.

See ya tomorrow.

B

It Sucks

I am just trying to figure out what to do. But I am not sure if I will ever be okay.

Talking about things is annoying. So yea.

I just feel so lonely. And it sucks.

Yea. 

See ya tomorrow.

B

Scared of Getting Hurt If Plans Changed

I hate planning out the future that we don't know what is going to happen. I stopped doing it because of the death of my grandfather. 

I was going to get my permit that year, but then all of that happened after the death. And I just... got hurt.

I'm scared of getting hurt if plans changed.

So yea.

I'm just got not okay right now.

See ya tomorrow.

B

A Journey Is Different Than The Other

I want to try to do something new in my life. But only time can tell. And well, we just have to stand strong and believe in ourselves. 

I am trying to read more and I think I will be glad to step up with this new part of my life.

Each time a journey is different than the other.

Let's get through it all.

See ya tomorrow.

B

That's All

I'm done.

That's all.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Angel Numbers Are Interesting

 My birthdate angel number is 7. But it's not for good luck... if you're wondering. 7 is actually a number that associates with rebirth. It's meaning is a lot higher than you realized. And I often wonder if that's why I keep seeing 7 when death happens.  I was 7 when we moved and I had hearing tubes put into my ears. I accepted what death was a year later, when my grandfather passed away Dec. 1st 1994 at 62.  (My dad's side). My brother lost his friend due to a car accident a few years later. He passed Jan 20th 1997 at only 17 years old. You'll soon start to see a pattern with the number 7.  My grandfather on my mom's side passed when I was 16 on Oct. 23 2002 at 88, I had a bad year following his death and didn't really enjoyed turning 17. Due to my parents. and my mom's ex.. long story. Now just 7 years and only 11 days of my grandpa's passing, my aunt passed away on Oct 12 2010 at 56. I was 24, so you can imagine what I was going through at a young age. My dad's step mother passed a few weeks later on Nov. 8th 2010. at 74. 7 years later, my grandmother on my mom's side passed away on June 17th 2017 at 84 years old. I was 31. May 10th 2016, I had my gallbladder removed.  June 12 2019, I had my thyroid removed. While 7 is seen rarely, but it is noticeable in some parts... for example my dogs deaths: Susie passed August 7th 2023, Chloe passed November 7, 2024. Susie was 17, Chloe was 15. So if you're wondering why I am talking about this... 7 is not good luck but a sign of rebirth. 

I just want to type this as a note.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Ready For The Day To Be Over

I am glad that we got the whole ordeal with Walmart done. So yea. I'm just ready for a new day to stay.

I'm gonna try my best to stream later and get through that.

As for tomorrow, I can't really predict what my dad wants to do... so yea.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Made Me Who I Am Today

Today marks our 6 month anniversary together. It's really seems like time goes by fast.

I do want to mention that there are things that I learned in this harsh world. We move on when people pushes us away... and never bother to say why they did so. We just move on. However harsh it seems, I tried... but I just can't.

The hurt keeps on hurting and I want to heal from it all.

Whatever they did to me in the past, it made me who I am today.

So... yea.

See ya tomorrow.

B

The Present is More Important

I am a bit tired, but it is alright. I'm just vibing and trying to work things out with my head.

I need to save money so I can plan things accordingly. And although, my mom did make a decision to have surgery on her thyroid. I do have to be there for her no matter what.

So yea... I have save extra money to go eat and such.

I just don't know what will happen next. Reason being is I am going to get a CT scan and see how bad my right hip has gotten. Being born with dislocated hip and a repair that they already told me it was temporary... it is surprising and not surprising... surprising because of how long I was able to be with this hip problem. Not surprising because I do know that I am expecting this to happen eventually. 

So anything can happen with these 6 months ahead. So yea.

Let's hope for good vibes and get through what we have right now. The present is more important that tomorrow or yesterday.

See ya tomorrow xD

B

Next Year Plan

I'm just trying to survive today. I will be alright, but I am tired.

I will get to stream tonight. So yay me. 

I just need to these blogs better, so hoping that I will get things done better in the near future. If I am still doing these challenge next year, it'll be fun. Yes, I am going to start adding blogging to the challenge for next year so that I can at least do some blogging next year... maybe more than one blog a day? Because I will be doing the blog everyday type of thing.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Let's Hope For The Best

I seem to always have to do stuff in the day. But it's okay. I will be fine. I just need to figure out what to do next. Anyway, my mom has made her mind up what she wants to do.

So... let's hope for the best then. 

She's worried that it might interfere with my not-known surgery. I haven't got the ct scan yet so I won't know yer.

So yea.

Let's hope for the best. 

I Give Up

 I am just trying to survive today and there's a moment that you just give up on everything.

Anyway, I will be okay, but I don't think he quite understand about how I feel about women being around him. So yea...

But I can't stop him.

So yea.

I give up everything.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Busy Day Today

Today, we decided to go to London, KY. We went to the flea market and stopped at Walmart. 

I do question on why I have a stubborn parent who refuses to get help when they are in severe pain. I'm done trying because they chose to be this way.

Anyway, my right hip and right knee are trying to give out and I know why, but I really wished it wasn't this way.

For now, I just have to do my best.

I bought a few items today and kind of glad that I did.

Alright, see ya tomorrow.

B

My Arm Hurts

I got to drive again! I can't wait to get my permit so I can try driving on the highway soon.

I saw that the rally is happening again. I really wish I could go see it, but oh, well.

Anyway, I am trying to figure out what to do about my arm. It keeps hurting more and even at resting it, it still hurts. So I don't know what to do anymore, but to ask my doctor what I should do about it.

I shall get the rest of my journals done and rest until I stream tonight.

See ya tomorrow.

B

I'm ready to go

I feel tired and ready to go to sleep anytime to be honest.

Being a caretaker is a worthy task, because you get rewarded in the end. But it's not for the sake of many people. As I will never get an answer of what I should do later in life.

I'm ready to go and get away from here. I'm tired and want to be closer to somewhere else.

Where that is, only one can guess.

For now, I will be okay... even if I'm not.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Scares Me

I am gonna try to type this as much as I can without my hand hurting, but once it hurts, I'm stopping.

I have been out of it the past few days, but because I knew my mom would do what she did.

And it scares me more than anything. 

I am going to get on with the rest of the day and hope that all is well.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Knew It Would Happen

I knew she would do that.

And I'm not in a good mood about it.

So yea.

I'm done.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Staying Up So Late

I need to stop staying up so late... but last night I just wasn't feeling it. And I may have overdid it with the horror maps. So yay me.

Anyway, I shall try my best for today and hope that tomorrow will be better for me.

Some reason, I felt like someone is watching my every mood... is that good? Not sure.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Start writing again next month

I am going to be glad when I start writing again next month. I got two writing challenges that are gonna be every week so it's gonna be fun to do. It's about time to get something done.

I am not in the perfect mood at this moment. But yea, it's time for me to get out of and enjoy this life a bit more.

Alright, shall get back to my day... I have a movie that I actually enjoyed so far.

See ya tomorrow.

B

It was a long day

I am just really tired. And today felt like it was a long day. I mean, we went to get my aunt then she wanted to get something to eat. Then we had to take her home. It's a lot of miles to there, then to Walmart, and then back to her place then back home.

So I might be a bit grumpy and out of it for a few days because I felt like I never get enough rest with this family sometimes.

Ah, well. I will be glad when I get my license because I can avoid all of this in a heartbeat xD

Anyway, I will be busy again tomorrow.

See ya tomorrow with me complaining again.

B

Planning Ahead?

Debating if I should just go ahead and set up for August for the challenges, but I think I will wait just a bit longer, but I could set the number of challenges so that when I do fix it, I would know what to do next.

Anyway, I am gonna be glad when I do have a break from everybody known. The stories of the old is never going back to be the same.

Today is the start of a new journey. See ya tomorrow.

B

Wake Up To The Harsh Reality

Sometimes I wake up to the harsh reality that things are not gonna be easy starting here on forth out.

I'm tired and I really hope that my dad comes through for tomorrow evening because I need to get out and enjoy myself a bit more. 

I feel like a fly being in a trap and that's not a good thing to feel because you know what happens to flies in those traps? They slowly die.

Anyway, see ya tomorrow.

B

I love my family

Today is not as it seems, but it will be alright. 

I am so ready for a long rest for tonight. Who knows really.

I love my new friends, my lover, my family... and I want to make people feel welcome more.

Alright, shall see ya tomorrow.

B

Half of the Year?

There's things that I will never quite understand, but I do hope that I will be alright. 

Can you believe it's the other half of the year now? It won't be long until the end of the year comes by and go by... and yea... I am not ready for it.

Oh, well.

We shall see what happens for this half of the year.

See ya tomorrow.

B