Me Time

I am going to try my trust in myself by going to virtual events. Starting with the one today. I can't tell you much about them because it's a bit NSFW and not worth sharing on here.

As I dive back into things that I enjoyed awhile ago, I want to add that sometimes, you have to take things slow.

I miss the casually hanging out with my ex, but it is what it is. I'm used to doing things alone. So I will be okay.

I really want to check up on him, but I'm scared to ask anybody. For the fear they will say something that would hurt me more. I cared about the guy, but I do care about my mental health more.

So, tonight, I'm having a me time and relaxing and having some fun.

- B

Finding Interesting Things

I am trying to figure out what made me feel like that late in the night last night. It's over though.

But today, I learn that Kingdom Hearts had a hint of something for the future.

Still interesting how it's inspired by an American folklore a bit.

Alright, I am going to get back to normal.

As it comes close to Tiktok ban, I'll make a special post.

See ya.

- B

Oh: Here's the news about Kingdom Hearts

A letter to whoever needs to hear it

 Dear whoever you are,

Maybe it's not something you want to hear, but I do forgive you. I'm not asking you to forgive me. You never heard my end of the story. You rather believed what you wanted to believe. And I knew in my heart, it was best to break my promise of never leaving you, but to leave you. It was hurting me. And I knew it was making you lose hope in me more and more. So in the end, it felt mutual for this decision. I hope it comes with a lesson to learn to have a conversation with your next partner before you assume anything. While I know my part, but one part I vowed to never do and that was contact people behind your back. Yet, you believed what you wanted to believe. I forgive you for that. Just know you did betray me. And you lost your trust in me. It was for the best.

Whatever happens for the future, the good and bad, understand I am a strong believer in karma. I will not hurt you no more. It's not me. I won't go after you.

To whoever that friend that told lies, I lost my trust in you. I have set boundaries on every friend that I've made now, because of those lies.

While I admit, I did wrong on tracking your location. But you did made your bed. I discovered things by accident and I won't share them, even if someone begs for them.

You may do as you please. You have your freedom now. Just as I have my own freedom.

Just know, not everybody might always gift you presents like I did. You have to accept that fate. And the reality. No matter how harsh it seems.

So whoever you are, learn to love yourself.

Sincerely,

- B

Getting Back To Normal Slowly

So lsst night, I went back to streaming on tiktok. I think it's a topic that I would like to discuss... Tiktok has been a good place for me. I hate to see it go away, but it is what is. And we can't help what our government tries to do.

Things haven't been the same. But I don't really care anymore.

Being a 38 year old woman, things can be weird. And for my case, I am used to it.

I guess I am basically saying that I am getting back to normal slowly, but not all at once.

I will continue to go forth with my journey and hope for good things to come.

- B

Not Ready To Explain Anything

It might take days to weeks before I can talk about what really happened between the two of us. All I can say for now is it was a betrayal for me and a lost of trust for him.

That's all I can say. I do not want to go into anymore detail than this until I am sure I am ready. I am still hurting and healing and confused all at the same time.

I did it not only for me, but for him as well.

It's just my way of showing him trust.

However anybody wishes to see it.

I do not need to discuss it any further at this moment.

So until I am ready to explain what really happened, I want to concentrate on things I enjoy.

Mainly books and Vrchat. Vrchat has worlds that reminds me of the scenes in the fantasy books... so that is why I go there.

Anyway, I will continue to heal. So until then, I love you all.

- B

Heartbreak and Healing

I'm not quite ready to tell my story.

But I do want to say that I broke up with my ex fiance. It's never easy.

And I want to be respectful for him. I want people to be respectful to him as well.

It'll take awhile to heal from it all.

Just one day at a time, you know?

I'll keep posting on here every single day as it's part of my own challenge and my healing process.

Heartbreak and Healing.

- B

Just a thought.

 You ever get the feeling that somebody is trying to make you the bad person? Yea... How many people knows that I am a nice and caring person? But yet, people tries to say that I am a bad person. Don't let people take your kindness and shove it.

... 2

Don't blame me if something happens.

Don't ask.

Don't find me.

...

 It's a short post tonight.

But... a short message instead.

Expect the unexpected.

-B

Trying To Survive

Past memories pop up. Sometimes I rather not talk about them, because I suffer a lot of pain all my life.

I have never been the same since my grandpa passed in 2002. I've seen people suffer too much. The worst was my grandma. Cancer sucks. I really wish there was a way to get rid of it so we don't have to deal with the pain of it.

The worst of all is dealing with my mom's ex. He's done a lot of bad stuff towards me... it can have a lasting affect to your mental health.

And yet, I had tried so many times to tell my mom, my concerns if he ever comes back here.

Today, our door was opened. We were gone. Nothing is stolen, thankfully. But it's not the first time.

I often wonder if something is telling us to get out of this place. Who knows.

Anyway, I just hope things will get better for me, mentally.

- B

Hello 2025

 Here's to trying my best to blog every single day for 365 days.

I hate to make it something bad, but a memory is import to some.

Life isn't always what it seems. Life is short. Life isn't something you take advantage of.

My fiance had a bad day and I gave him a day to be with himself. Sometimes, you need it after losing a love one. It takes time to heal, but sometimes, you can't help, but to remember things.

I can't forget when my grandparents passed away. So I know how it feels. And how it feels when you feel like you haven't spent enough time to be with someone.

He's okay. I'm okay.

But life does happen. The good. The sad. We just have to be there for each other.

I sometimes just want to get on a bus or a plane and be there to sit beside him in silence to show him that I will be there for him.

And here I am, not feeling well. Sitting here, watching a documentary about Avicii that came out recently. I hate to relate to those who don't wish to be related, but I do. Sometimes, in life, you do lose your sense of self.

But either way, I will be okay. Just something to think about for making yourself a better person mentally.

I shall end for now and give myself a bit of a break.

- B