181 of 365: Fireworks

So, I went to the local fireworks show and it was awesome.

The photo is just towards the end but I thought it look great.

Anyways, this blog will be very short because I'm trying to post this on time... So.. Ta

That's all.

With love,

BDK

180 of 365: Life Full of Problems

Life is just full of questions and doubts. It doesn't have to be but it's the impossible that will turn us around.

I realize that I need to stop thinking negative things. It's never helped before but it won't help now. I really hope all goes well with all of us. Fate is something to be challenged with. And you never know what will happen.

So today's blog will be short. Since I might not have time to write or anything. So let's all sit back and have a good weekend.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

179 of 365: Planning Ahead

So, it helps to plan ahead on certain things. Whether things goes down or goes well, you always have to be ready for it.

This is what I am ready for. And maybe you guys should too.

Anyways, I wrote another story but it's a bit of a tragedy in the beginning. I may continue it for a while or just to see how far it takes me. I am in the mind of this character that I called Ashleigh. I love the name Ashley but spelling it like that makes it look beautiful. Well, to me it does.

I may continue the story tonight. Hopefully the computer won't have any problems while I write. I feel inspired for just a while longer.

Although I am inspired because I feel like I should be doing something to my life. And this story just makes me feel better.

The setting is in Japan. But the main character is from America. So I have to think like an American would. It helps to become somebody else for a while in a story. I do... when I read books.

Well, that's all.

With love,

BDK

178 of 365: Figuring Out Success

You never know what life will turn out to be in the future. And I'm tired of let downs in my life right now.

Anyways, I hope all goes well for my friend. Hopefully, things will be successful for him. So it makes me want to get back up and go do something about my life. I think tomorrow, I am going to literally go ask the local library if they are hiring. Because you never know.

I am going to keep on with my blog and keep trying to make up ideas for my stories and poems. You never know what will happen.

There are things that I still wish could turn back time but the only thing I can do now is look ahead. I think the problem with me is I'm bad with interviews and not sure what to say. And plus, high school taught me that I should find a job that I would like. Bad school. But you know they do prove a point. Since I love entertainment, I really would love to find a job around that. Especially books.

So... this is my blog update of the day.

As for an attempt for vlogging, I will do that sooner or later. When I'm more comfortable with the camera. I love drama so I want to do something around that... maybe. For now, the tomorrows are never important. It's the here and now.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

177 of 365: When Danger Meets The Stranger

It's often a thought that my mind. What if the danger meet the stranger?

Anyways, I'm having problems with my browser and don't have a clue what is going on. It loads and skips my words as I type. It's almost like there's a pop up trying to load but it's not.

And that left me with a terrible lag.

I may have to switch to Chrome until I can figure out the problem with these browsers.

Anyways, just want to say thanks people from all the world for reading my blog. I welcome you to keep reading my blog and of course, please do like my page for blog updates.

I might not say much but there will be a day where I will have a longer blog. Besides, for now, enjoy. And thank you guys for reading. Comment below if you wish. I don't mind.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

176 of 365: Heating Up

And so I realize why I want to help my mom. She needs to be in place that doesn't have much humidity because of her asthma and allergies. It's something that will never be cured for her because she was born with it.

I want to take her with me to Indonesia if I do end up there. But I'm not sure how she would like it to be around another world, another language. Sure there will be others that will speak English but all of Indonesia speaks Indonesian. It would be confusing to her. But with her kindness, language has no barrier to her. It's the same for me but I love languages so I am willing to learn more.

I know a few words already but I won't tell what those are here. xD

Anyways, I'm not sure what to say but I hope things will turn out well. I'm thinking that next time I get money, to go ahead and get my passport. Besides, you never know when you might get a chance to go somewhere.

Well, I am tired. After all, it has been a long day.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

175 of 365: World of Words

I had started a thing where I put down a word and it's definition. It began in 2008 out of boredom but with a goal.

I have over hundred of words written down and their meanings on Index cards. Some could say, that's a lot. But to me, words are beautiful. Even though I have difficulty speaking a lot of words, I still love them.

Anyways, going to disappear into the world of words for a bit now. If I go missing, I have found out where poems come from.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

174 of 365: Eyes Of Destiny

I have realize that people are not always what they seem. So I delete a few people off my facebook and they deleted me. Who cares? Most people just add me on their friends page just because they have mutual friends. Who are you anyways? I know you're friends with other people on my list but why bother adding me if you're gonna talk about me? See... you're from Mount Vernon after all. You left town but your attitude stayed with you. GTFO.

Anyways, eyes of destiny is a saying that seems to come to my mind. Pretty soon, I'm leaving again... well, I'm still in a process of moving. Doing work and finding a place doesn't mix too well. So, yea... something to keep in mind.

Well, there's a lot of zombie things that's been coming out and makes me wonder... could this be a sign? Nah... but if it does happen... I'm ready.

Ok...

This is gonna be the end for this blog. So... catch you guys tomorrow. That's all.

With love,

BDK

173 of 365: The Reawakening

I am getting the idea that my story idea isn't grand just yet. I still need to work on the beginning... but the title is renamed.

I would post the same imagine on here but I think I want to wait. Anyways, not sure what to put here because nothing happened here yet.

Things are slow it seems. I heard that you should count every minute of your life as something grand. Ok. That's a challenge I'm willing to accept.

Anybody has a new challenge for me?

That's all.

With love,

BDK

172 of 365: The Idea

I never understood anything about the world before but now I realize how it is. Trust is important but we will never be able to hold onto it well.

So I came to an idea of a new adventure of a story. But I can't promise to keep writing it. I've posted the first part. It's not great but it's a work in progress.

Anyways, I'm getting sleepy again so I will be going to bed early tonight. It would mean getting up early.in the morning again but I don't mind.

Well, depending on my mood tonight, I might write some more.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

171 of 365: Remembrance and Maybe a Truth

It's been a year since being on Eden Eternal the game. I haven't been fully on the game since the guild Destiny disbanded but I understand life is more important but it brings out the best in of us. Well, I met very interesting people on there... so yea...

But it made me realize something... I actually became more the person of who I am suppose to be because of some people there. I fell in love, became close to some of them. And miss some of those who left. Life is funny like that. Even the possibility of never meeting one or two of them is there but I vow to meet one.

Anyways, I wrote Maybe a Truth because I want to tell one guy something and I am afraid to tell him how I feel because he pissed me off. But yes, you got a point. And really... thanks.

He quit talking to me because I set my facebook to where he can't see my statuses anymore. Sorry about that. I just don't want you to keep telling me the harsh truth. Yes, I like to hear it but also don't like to hear it in that way. Anyways, the past is the past. I've moved on.

But I'm happy for one special friend. And want to say, let's keep being this way for a while longer. And can't wait to meet you, Rai. :)

Anyways, that's all because since I was busy making plans. What plans? Maybe I'll reveal it one day. Maybe not.

Also a bit of an advance... always tell those who you are close to that you love them, even your friends. After so many deaths of familiar people and close people here, I realize that if you don't be nice to at least once, you will regret it. Don't be that person that just feels the guilt that you wanted to tell somebody something. Tell them now. What they think doesn't matter, just tell them what is there in your heart.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

170 of 365: Completely Lost

I think people are more attracted to my blog when I write about something of my past and present. Then I wonder why they aren't attracted to it when I want to say something about life or just random stuff.

Here's the thing of why I'm completely lost... I love random things so I will put down random thoughts, blah blah blah. And yet it comes to some event in my life, I get some type of response. But I welcomed people reading this. Truly... It makes me feel better knowing that there are people reading this blog.

But I really want to hear your opinion on a few things so lend me a comment and I will answer!!!

So that's all.

With love,

BDK

169 of 365: Starchild, Dreamer

I once heard a song a long time ago called Starchild that made me miss the night time sky. I remember staying up late, sometimes never worried about sleeping during the day. I am not that person anymore.

But I will always be a dreamer. I will always try to take a chance and look at the sky and be thankful that I am the way today... alive. Breathing. And finally escaping.

And just heard a beautiful song on the radio. it's called What If by Five for Fighting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkV9XpthgM4

Anyways, I'm gonna stop this blog and get back to my life.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

168 of 365: Attack on Titan

After a long break from watching anime, I decided to take my day off with some catching up on anime. I'm not sure how many of you had watched Attack on Titan but you guys should.

Anyways, there's not much to talk about but I really hope on Thursday that those kidney stones are completely gone. Only way is to go to that doctor. I mean, I hurt so bad that it was at the same time annoying. I haven't felt pain for a while but seriously I will hope that it won't happen again.

Well, that's all for now.

With love,

BDK

167 of 365: Not too well

Not too well, why? I always felt like I should taking naps because they make me feel even worse than I'm already feeling.

Anyways, I feel like today didn't last at all some reason. Then again, this happens because as we get older, our minds are constantly on the run. So time just isn't like it use to be when we were kids. Also, on days that seems slow, we began to get into a depressed mood or even get bored to the point that we try to figure out how to waste our time.

Ah, well. Anyways the picture for today is a raccoon that my grandma was telling me about. While I was there, it reluctantly let me take it's picture. It needs a name it seems though so what do you think?

Anyways, this is all.

With love,

BDK

166 of 365: "Remember You Soon"

I'm not sure why I put this exactly in the title but it does explain about what happened today. Nothing but I needed to complete watching a person play a game until they finished it. It was called Remember Me. And you know... it gave me a lot of to think about memories.

You know how I always complain about having bad memories and stuff? I really want to get rid of them. But if I live in a world like the game, I properly wouldn't care to keep those bad memories in order to have a peaceful world. I mean come on... why do you want to control people's memories? Why would you change them? What if having these memories are part of a good thing? Ever think about that?

The phrase that I caught the most in the game was "Remember you soon." Is that like a way to say "see you later" or something? If so, I kind of like it. I makes a good way to steal ideas... maybe a little. I'm not going to. But it really did leave me thinking a lot about the world around me.

My mom once told me about her memories of her childhood that she thought she forgotten... it's funny how memories work. We get a disease that infects our memories and our ways of thinking. And yet, we forget without the disease. So what makes us forget and force ourselves to forget? And why? It's something we may never know... well, maybe there is science behind it but I'm sure I'll find out later. Right now, I am just asking random questions to make myself think.

And so, my fingers are getting tired from typing so fast. I think I'm scaring myself typing this way. Because I was always taught to type ever since I was a child. Computers basically revolved my entirety of my life... maybe that is why I am the way I am. I love typing just as much as I love reading and writing and other stuff. I'm a strange person... because there is not a lot of things that I do not hate. Maybe a person I do hate which is my mom's ex bf. Never again... Never... Anyways, that's not the point. The point... I just develop this habit of typing since I was 7 years old. I gotten better at it and never really forgotten it.

I try not to make any mistakes either when I'm looking or not looking down. I'm just... well, let's say I'm not too proud of typing this fast and such. xD It makes me miss writing so much... and now my mom has to use my laptop, I can't go in the other room and use my laptop in secret while everybody is asleep (although, I have been going to bed really early lately). Maybe one day.

Anyways... better go. Like I said, my fingers are getting really tired right now. So... that's all.

With love,

BDK

165 of 365: Better Day, More Problems

It's so annoying to live in a trailer that keeps having a problem after a problem. My dad may got it fixed but it sure annoys me when something else happens and then my dad gets into that mood that just makes you want to hide.

One thing I am glad is that my mom's ex didn't come back. I am so happy because if he did, it would be hell.

Anyways, that's all for today's blog. Time for sleep soooooooooooon.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

164 of 365: Annoyed

Want to know why?

Simple answer. My mom's ex.

So much as I really wished him gone forever, he came by today. Why the hell now? I do not know. And I overheard my mom talking to him. Yes, he was begging to come back. Nope. No way. Never! Not while I'm still around. I hate drunks like him. He left our lives for the best but coming back to beg to come back... So wrong. I have secretly vowed that if my mom does bring him back in this household... It's over with our relationship as a mother daughter. My mom knows better but sometimes I wonder...

Good thing he left. Because if he stepped foot into this place... there would've been hell. I can't really forgive him too easily. In a way... he put the label crazy on me. So it's his damn fault for my depression to go further into...

So... this is exactly why I hate people who drinks heavily. Anyways, I just thought I let this be today's topic of the day.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

163 of 365: Sleep and Semi Happy

I'm not sure... I think my mom needs to sale this trailer and just get a new place to live. It stresses her out and of course, it makes my dad worse. And their stress rubs off on me.

Anyways, my mom is freaking out right now because there is suppose to be a severe storm heading this way and she wants to go to my grandma for safety... well, after the tornado being so close last year, I kind of don't blame her being freaked out. It could change through the night but my mom really wants to be safe.

And I'm sleepy... So blah... what is a person to do? Really... I want a home with a better shelter. Nothing is safe... FYI. Anyways... I just don't have any bad feeling about it so I'm sure it's nothing worse than a tiny thunderstorm.

Anyways, I'm going to end this and might go to bed early tonight. Before my mom freaks out and does decide to go to my grandma... so yes, it's annoying right now.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

162 of 365: Sleepy and Dreams... Deja Vu.

I guess I am seeing or rather feeling like things are repeating itself again. Oh, well. I'm not sure what say about that.

I'm going to make this blog shorter because it's time for me to sleep soon. Anyways, hope many days ahead are gonna be good.

Oh, well... this might be a short blog but just want to say... don't you just hate having Deja Vu moments and can't figure out why they happen all the time?

That's all.

With love,

BDK

161 of 365: My Scars of Love

What have you done to me? Anyways, it's just a song but it's a beautiful song. But listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UA-y33kEGtw

I have been inspire to read a book based on this song. I have thoughts of stories to write down as ideas but never to complete. And often I wonder why I haven't been passionate in completing my stories. I think it was because that I gotten depressed... I dropped everything that I used to love. I blame myself for ending up like this.

I don't care... I still love writing in some form. Just don't take the whole idea away from me. Seriously... people just don't know how it feels to be depressed and not being able to get inspire to write again. I love writing... I always did. You say it's an excuse. You say you don't care. But I do.

I wrote my last story when I was in high school during my senior year. It was a story about a girl trying to find her path by being friends with people around her. In the end, she knew she had to part ways and so they said their goodbyes. An ending. An end to my inspiration. I gotten ideas upon ideas... Then The Mountain short series came out. About a girl who moved to a new town that is famous for their mountain there. One day, they went on a trip to the mountain by chance and she disappears into this world, letting her into a world that The Mountain had shared her. An evil guy called Evida wanted her dead. And she meets an angel, and a boy later named Thomas. Her name was Margaret. I made 5 parts to this short series. When I started to get depressed by things happening to me, the story itself ultimately dropped.

I lost my inspiration because of depression. Don't let it happen again. I will not anymore. I want to get back into trying to write short stories again. Starting small works a whole lot better than writing long stories. They may be 8 pages long, but that's chapter for most books that I've read. Read more YA and children books, then you see what I mean. Also, there are short stories that could be published as well. So, you know... eventually I'll get back to writing.

You. Should. Keep. Your. Fingers. Away. From. My. Chats. Now.

I work better at night time because it's like the only time I got me time... during the day, I CANNOT listen to music without my mom hollering at me. She never done this before I lost my inspiration... and so, I think it's because of her loneliness that I can't write. Mom, I'm sorry, but sometimes, I really would love to be alone myself. I will never be a talker like you. I know you miss your older sister, mom, but I can't replace her. You know deep inside that you must let me go... eventually. So forgive me, mom, for one day, I will make you proud of me.

Anyways, it seems listening to songs make me type more. I can't help it xD

But I know I will always have grammar problems but I know somebody will look over it. I won't give up. Like I mention before, read more YA and children books. Even the ones that aren't even on the booksellers list. Even the ones that are horrible. You will know why I chose this genre to write for.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

160 of 365: Rain wash away my pain.

Rain. Beautiful sight. Though I am wonder about tomorrow or the next day or the day after.

Anyways, I had no idea what I'm doing here. Went to my grandma's and told her that I need to be traveling instead. She says if you put your mind to it, you will. I am. Don't worry, I am.

So... That is all.

With love,

BDK

159 of 365: I'm Late I'm Late! Says the Rabibit.

I am always curious about how life is... and sure... I am curious about what it would be like if I wasn't here.

And comes to wonderland. A world where everything is full of madness. That's where I shall go one day.

Anyways this will be a short blog. I done everything today... and only to deserve the pain in my lower back. D:

So... it's off to bed I go.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

158 of 365: Sweet Innocence.

Please note what I am about to write might not be something to be concern about. It's actually... an idea.

---------------------------------------------

Each day, I wanted to wake up. Feel the breath of a fantasy world all over again. Only to feel the pain of the reality that flows about all of us. It's the life of being a human. Why must I stay a human?

I reach for a new hope. Only to disappear back into this world. A world that would soon invade the wars that happens in every heart. Dreams fading because I want to reach out. It's not possible. But it should be.

Yet, you're realizing who I am. The darkness in me. Mystic... her name. I had no idea she was possible. She became what I overcame. She wants everybody that hurt me dead. But I don't.

So where did my sweet innocence went? To hell.

-----------------------------------------------

And that's it. I wonder if it would be possible to become a story? I know I'm not good at grammar completely, but still I wonder. Anyways, it's also how I'm feeling as well. I mean... I become something that I don't want. And I don't want to go in that direction.

So... yea... I'm waking up. Trying to live.

Breath. My hardest challenge... overcoming things.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

157 of 365: Feels Like I Haven't Slept For Weeks

I don't know about you but I really am tired of feeling sleepy for the past few weeks. I'm not sure if it was because I was sick or what. But the pain slowly goes away and I am beginning to feel better. Yet, some reason I feel like there is something wrong somewhere.

Anyways, I'm not sure if I go long with this or go short... I think I'll write a short version since I am sleepy right now.

Today I went to Lexington. I found out that people are friendly. Yes, friendly and not hateful and grateful for an answer. I might not have to wait anymore. So here's to planning a trip of a lifetime. Hope you're ready!

Also, this comes to my mind... what should I do for next year when the new year comes... well, it has come to my mind that I could do a different way of blogging... I mean... not with the numbers, etc.

I am up for more suggestions... I haven't been taking any pictures because I haven't been anywhere. I will hate summer. So... poo.

Well, time to end this and hope for the best. And by the way, I am still hurting... but I'm dealing with it. One step at a time.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

156 of 365: Pain Fading Away

I often wonder why I keep going to another world and feel like I'm fading away.

Anyways, I have to keep drinking water and more water... Water is more important for what's going on with me.

I have to wait five days and actually hope that the pain go away. Because I have a stone still in my kidney. I just took a painkiller so the pain went away.

Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day for me. I will update tomorrow of what happens. In fact... I might not take my phone with me just yet.

Well, you don't what will happen so I'm not keeping any hopes up. Anyways, I have to go now. That's all.

With love,

BDK

155 of 365: Days Ahead

I always know that you shouldn't worry about what goes on tomorrow or the next day. We shouldn't really worry about our future all the time but sometimes we do. We can't help that. For me, it's my own health.

I guess after a while you're wondering why some people are asses and wonder who your true friends are. So... those who are asses can just shove it up your own ass and wait until everything is done and over with like I said.

Not everything works over night. Not every job is going to available automatically. And not your life could be something to throw away. Not anymore. There are risks. There are hopes. There are dreams.

And after tomorrow... I just hope there is nothing but good news. I don't really want to put any negative things on here so don't expect it.

Yes, you noticed that too? Well, it's sort of somebody's fault in some things.

Anyways, I am going to be serious about my health because I can't be hurting for over a week now. I don't want to reach over and take another painkiller until it's the type of pain that will literally drive me up the wall.

Drinking water like a boss right now. And my aunt is like "Don't be surprise if they put you on an all lemonade diet!" Um... yea... I'll do it but ONLY if it's ordered by the doctor. If they said something else... I'll be sure to tell everybody even to my closest friend.

You know who you are when I say closest friend. Anyways... let's all hope for good news. Right? I hate to come on tomorrow night on my phone at some hospital and tell you the bad news. Oh, dang... didn't mean to put that. xD

Maybe... after tomorrow and the next day, I'll go away from home for a while. I only wish for some net so I can update my blog... but I don't mind if it's limited. xD

Well... this is the longest I've done for a while. Even though some of them might contain errors or grammar errors. But a book once told me, if you enjoy writing, grammar should always come last. It should never be something to worry about.

That's why I dropped out of writing stories because it seems like that's all everybody worried about... grammar this or grammar that... Shit, writing should be based on what comes from the heart, not what seems wrong. Sure spelling SHOULD count at all times... because who wants to read a text type story? With words such as lol, xD, brb, omg, ttyl. xD You get my drift there. But writing should be based on what's from the heart or imagination. Get away from the grammar errors for a while and just write.

Right now, I lost my gift in poetry because I've been ill. It's an up and down spiral. And my depression mixed with this makes me go insane. So... lately, I have been hiding my pain and my depression by being hyper and forcing myself to be happy. Well, aside having a close friend making you happy but other than that, I just have to force it out.

You can't seriously just look at the person or read a person automatically... well, you can't judge them by the cover of the book, guys. I have been having slightly bad health problems since I was a child but I always force myself to ignore it. You realize how hard it is to ignore it? And only to deal with it in secret? No. It's not easy. Life is not easy. That's why I hate being a human. That's why I don't consider myself human.

So to the days ahead... Hope for the good. That's all I can say.

With love,

BDK

154 of 365: Headache, Hurting, Sleep Soon.

I can't stand being in pain but I have to try deal with it until Wednesday when I go see a doctor at Richmond... Hopefully they will find out why my lower back and front now keeps hurting.

Anyways, I also have to deal with Thursday as well. I just hope it's nothing serious is wrong with me. I need to try to keep positive until then.

My head is hurting so I might be going to bed soon. So... This is short for tonight. Thanks.

That is all.

With love,

BDK

153 of 365: Fish in the Rain (or pain)

I have been dealing with pain on my lower right back. So I am going to the doctor tomorrow to see if there's any medicine they could give me just in case this is a kidney infection.

Anyways, I went to my grandma's house but got stuck inside because of the rain. Came home, kind of feeling bad. Actually, I've been in a bad mood because whatever I got just won't go away.

Of course, I talked my dad into go fishing but then it started to rain so we didn't stay long. Plus I was still in a bad mood.

I hate being in a bad mood... Hopefully tomorrow will be better than the past week. Anyway to feel better than to be in pain or feeling bad.

That's all.

With love,

BDK

152 of 365: Hurting and Free Fishing Weekend

And so it hurts again... it seems to be caused when I do so much activity in the day... not sure why? Hopefully it's not something serious though.

Anyways, this weekend is free fishing weekend here in Kentucky. Makes me curious how many people has actually gone fishing today and maybe tomorrow? Well, I hope to feel better tomorrow to go myself... I don't like fish or the smell of fish but I enjoy the little outdoor time. So that's just me. xD

That's all that I want to talk about for today. Usually, I talk more on my phone than on here but that's all.

With love,

BDK