It seems that I'm still getting a lot of views. But not a lot of comments. Maybe I am getting bad at this blog thing?
xD
Anyways, I am trying, ok?
I'm doing this to try to improve things.
But seems like I'm stuck between a hard place and a rock. (Or if you want to go all Piers Anthony, read Roc and A Hard Place. Correct spelling and it's one of his Xanth novels. Awesome book. :) Go read all of the Xanth series by Piers Anthony. I actually wrote him an email once and he replyed back by sending me a picture. Still got it xD)
I love getting to know authors. They are actually awesome. :)
Anyways, speaking of books... I'm behind... it's seem that I am truly stuck between a rock and a hard place right now.
But you know... don't let what other people tell you what you can do or can't do. If you're passionate about something, go for it. But understand one thing, you have to work for it. So don't be like me. Ever.
As for other news... I wish my brain works enough to stay awake when I'm trying to read stuff off the Department of State website. I mean... when you got a huge headache and plus a mom that doesn't want to leave you alone for one second, it's kind hard... I get dizzy just by staring at things on the computer too long. So I take breaks... sometimes, long breaks...
So, I don't spend all day watching anime... Really... I don't.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
119 of 365: Tears That Flow
And I'm sick again.
As simple as that but it's alright though. I went to the doctor and got some medicine. They are sort of powerful so it's sort of giving me the worst headaches ever. I hate it. T_T
Anyways, not a lot to talk about because of my headaches. But I did found a beautiful song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvZgKRAacFc
Trip The Light. We Gonna Break The Night. We're gonna see with new eyes, we're gonna trip the light.
That's how the chorus goes xD
Anyways, not wanting to stay online any longer. I'm gonna go now.
Thanks for everything, my readers.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
As simple as that but it's alright though. I went to the doctor and got some medicine. They are sort of powerful so it's sort of giving me the worst headaches ever. I hate it. T_T
Anyways, not a lot to talk about because of my headaches. But I did found a beautiful song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvZgKRAacFc
Trip The Light. We Gonna Break The Night. We're gonna see with new eyes, we're gonna trip the light.
That's how the chorus goes xD
Anyways, not wanting to stay online any longer. I'm gonna go now.
Thanks for everything, my readers.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Sunday, April 28, 2013
118 of 365: Lack of Sleep
I hate being really sick. It makes me sleep a lot. Sometimes more than I'm suppose to get. Sometimes, I can't sleep at night at all.
Last night was rough with no sleep at all.
Anyways, I think things will be different with this sickness. I can't explain it much. Ah, well.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Saturday, April 27, 2013
117 of 365: sickly ol' me.
This will be a really short entry tonight.
First of all, I have been really sick which explains why I am posting really late.
Second of all, my brother found out how I can get a job to teach English to Asia. So I'm going to look into that soon.
Third of all, I am sorry for everything guys. Lots of things are going on now. So wish me luck.
For now, I must get to feeling better asap.
That's all.
With love,
BDK.
Friday, April 26, 2013
116 of 365: How Can You?
It's hard to believe but I didn't asked for this.
Oh, well, this time it's different.
Anyways...
Other news, we lost a great American icon and country music legend today. His name was George Jones. Although I never been to his concerts.
And now... I'm gonna do something about it. You really don't seem to care about what I say. And stop bringing back things that I already told on here that I'm over with. What do you want me to do? End this blog?
No.
I'm going to keep writing my blog every day. And maybe or maybe not, things will be different from now on.
I won't tell you where I'm at. Because you don't need to know that anymore.
For now...
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Oh, well, this time it's different.
Anyways...
Other news, we lost a great American icon and country music legend today. His name was George Jones. Although I never been to his concerts.
And now... I'm gonna do something about it. You really don't seem to care about what I say. And stop bringing back things that I already told on here that I'm over with. What do you want me to do? End this blog?
No.
I'm going to keep writing my blog every day. And maybe or maybe not, things will be different from now on.
I won't tell you where I'm at. Because you don't need to know that anymore.
For now...
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Thursday, April 25, 2013
115 of 365: What to Expect?
Alright, the donate button is above now. Donate to help me out get money so I can get a certificate to be teach English. It's a two week program in Asia, FYI. Doesn't start until the end of this year. I'm raising money to pay ahead and get to buy a plane ticket to go. I already was asked to raise money by a program that already accepted me. She was kind enough to keep me in mind just in case I did get the money.
Here's the list of where the payments go:
1. $100 would go to the passport (so if I get that now, it will be going for that so by the time the end of the year come around, I'll be ready. It sucks that the world of traveling as the law for waiting 6 months to travel once you get the passport but it's important that I get that over with now).
2. $1,500 goes toward the program itself. I read more about it that it starts in San Fransisco, CA. It's only a few days there, but it's meeting up with other people, learning about the country that I chose to go, etc. o_o The rest of the pricing will go towards the classes which is 2 weeks in a country of my choosing which is in Asia. But they chose Cambodia for me because I don't have a degree. But after that, I can choose to stay longer in that country by letting them help me find a job, etc. It can be in Vietnam or Cambodia. Everything is safe, I already checked twice.
3. 1,000 or whatever the price is towards the plane ticket. It's gonna be a one way ticket because of the job placement. This is what my mom doesn't like. But I want to do something to my life! I chose this because it includes traveling and working! And I won't be lazy! Of course, I might raise some more money later to take my dogs with me.
That's the three ways... but now you're wondering why I said that about my dogs? Well, it's complicated... I love my dog to pieces and don't really have anybody to take them in. So I'm going to consider taking them with me. Might be tough to travel other parts of Asia with my dogs but I know how to save money and not get a lot of things (books is different because I am going to sale those eventually... which comes to my mind... Where can I find a site that uses PayPal to give me payments on the books other than eBay?)
If anybody has any other ideas, please tell me. Now I could be begging money to help pay off my college loan but I want to try to do that by myself. If I can't do it by next year, I will make another donation site for that. Just keep a watch here and another website. I was told to make a video for that website but I need ideas. O_O
I'm talking too much xD
That's all.
And thank you~! I want to do something special to those that does donate me money... but what should I do? I can do letters of thank you, cards, hugs even if I meet you! xD Anything, just ask. :) Thanks lots!
With love,
BDK
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
114 of 365: Looking at Life
I always wanted to tell my story about my life. But not everybody wants to hear that.
But... since my birthday is coming closer each awaken moment... I thought I'll make a longer post today.
Let's start with the day I was born early. Or rather... well, let me just tell you.
May 5th 1986, I was born at Richmond, KY at a hospital that was then called Patty-A-Clay Hospital. I was born 2 weeks early due to my mom falling down a flight of stairs. She was lucky but I was not. I had been born just 2 weeks too soon. Because of being born 2 weeks early, they later found out that I was born with a dislocated hip on the right side. It was possible that it was because my mom fell down those stairs that made my hip dislocated in her womb. I had this thing where they popped my hip in place and had to wear a cast for a while. Somewhere along the line, it was discover that I had a hearing problem. Then after that, I was told that I had rolled off the bed and had to get my hip popped back in place. I never walked at the right moment.
I grew up being strange. I never talked English until I was 5 years old. So I was never taught to speak right. I did speak well enough for others to understand me. I always wonder if it's because of this late speaking that I wasn't able to learn my sentences right, etc. I was told that I was never good at grammar and spelling. But that didn't bother me or the teachers. They gave me helpers all through school. At 7, I made my first best friend. He and I stuck together until middle school/high school. Dunno when that was. But I was a very imaginative kid.
I didn't had real friends. Most of that was because of my dad. He hated people so much that if I invited my friend over, he would get pissed. So that was the first and the last time I ever invited my best friend over. It grew worse over the years because I was a really quiet and kind person.
Third Grade or when I was around 8 or 9 or 10, I forgot what age, but I was held back for that grade because I was sick with chicken pox the year before. They made me stay behind because I missed an important test. I hated it but then again, I didn't had much a good childhood either. I can remember bits and pieces like going to Tennessee vacation at 5 or 6 years old. Getting my SSI as a child at that time, etc. I only had one best friend. I grew to love him by 5th grade. Then by middle school, we somehow ended up on different teams. I was on the one end of the school, he was on the other. We stilled talked and ate together during lunch.
Of course, that was when guys started try to make fun of me more. I was chased by a female whom gotten pregnant at 12. I never saw her again after she had the baby. She actually quit school at 8th grade. I remembered loving the teachers and always enjoy talking to them. It was strange how I got along with teachers more than classmates.
High school came, and my life changed. I became a loner on purpose but I was always kind and spoke to others that wanted to get to know me. I met great people during that time. Most of the teachers like the one in grade school became my idols. Then I lost my grandfather at that time.
Actually, I lost my dad's side grandfather when I was 7. Then lots of other people who died in car accidents and suicides. So my life was never a happy one.
I wrote stories at middle school because that was when I began to read more. It was around the time my grandfather died when I gradually got out of writing stories. I was really good then, believe me I was. But some reason, I was never good at sentences. So, don't get me wrong, I always wrote like this since I could remember. I always remember that I enjoyed singing and dancing. Everyday, I sing. Hehe. I wrote songs as a child. And still do every once a while. I was never taught any instrument because my dad was like that. He did got me a guitar but I got out of it because people made fun of me. You see... I get out of things quickly if people made fun of me. It seems... dancing and singing are the only two things that never stopped me.
Anyways, back to high school... my grandfather passed away when I was 16/17. Again I don't have a good memory because I had a bad time during that time. I was highly depressed and lost tons of weight. I was skinny. If any of you seen my prom picture, that was because I was depressed before and had lost all that weight. Of course, I had two stages of depression happened to me. This is my third stage... because I'm losing weight the wrong way. (Don't tell my mom or she'll tell me that I'm gonna kill myself again... These people these days!)
I was happy when I left for college. Because I wanted to get out and away from home. My family are all broken apart since my grandfather passed away.
During that time, I didn't know what to do. But I had my mind set to writing then. Then I realize something years after I was forced to drop out of college what I really wanted to do. I wanted to teach English to people who can't speak English.
Yes, it had been my dream before. And thankfully... I met all kinds of people online. And with the world getting bigger on the Internet, so does my life.
Anyways... I really want to teach English but with a lot of things going on with my life, I can't find a job because all the jobs here locally are not hiring anymore. When they do hire, I had no way to get there sadly.
So, I'm making a donation page for you guys to help if you want. I'm not begging nor am I forcing you guys... But you're welcome to help out if you want to. The choice is up to you.
And there's something else I learn: I am not the only one who suffers each and every day. There's people out there that are like me in some way and maybe the same way.
Who knows...
Well, that's all for now.
With love,
BDK
And you're welcome to donate to my paypal. :)
But... since my birthday is coming closer each awaken moment... I thought I'll make a longer post today.
Let's start with the day I was born early. Or rather... well, let me just tell you.
May 5th 1986, I was born at Richmond, KY at a hospital that was then called Patty-A-Clay Hospital. I was born 2 weeks early due to my mom falling down a flight of stairs. She was lucky but I was not. I had been born just 2 weeks too soon. Because of being born 2 weeks early, they later found out that I was born with a dislocated hip on the right side. It was possible that it was because my mom fell down those stairs that made my hip dislocated in her womb. I had this thing where they popped my hip in place and had to wear a cast for a while. Somewhere along the line, it was discover that I had a hearing problem. Then after that, I was told that I had rolled off the bed and had to get my hip popped back in place. I never walked at the right moment.
I grew up being strange. I never talked English until I was 5 years old. So I was never taught to speak right. I did speak well enough for others to understand me. I always wonder if it's because of this late speaking that I wasn't able to learn my sentences right, etc. I was told that I was never good at grammar and spelling. But that didn't bother me or the teachers. They gave me helpers all through school. At 7, I made my first best friend. He and I stuck together until middle school/high school. Dunno when that was. But I was a very imaginative kid.
I didn't had real friends. Most of that was because of my dad. He hated people so much that if I invited my friend over, he would get pissed. So that was the first and the last time I ever invited my best friend over. It grew worse over the years because I was a really quiet and kind person.
Third Grade or when I was around 8 or 9 or 10, I forgot what age, but I was held back for that grade because I was sick with chicken pox the year before. They made me stay behind because I missed an important test. I hated it but then again, I didn't had much a good childhood either. I can remember bits and pieces like going to Tennessee vacation at 5 or 6 years old. Getting my SSI as a child at that time, etc. I only had one best friend. I grew to love him by 5th grade. Then by middle school, we somehow ended up on different teams. I was on the one end of the school, he was on the other. We stilled talked and ate together during lunch.
Of course, that was when guys started try to make fun of me more. I was chased by a female whom gotten pregnant at 12. I never saw her again after she had the baby. She actually quit school at 8th grade. I remembered loving the teachers and always enjoy talking to them. It was strange how I got along with teachers more than classmates.
High school came, and my life changed. I became a loner on purpose but I was always kind and spoke to others that wanted to get to know me. I met great people during that time. Most of the teachers like the one in grade school became my idols. Then I lost my grandfather at that time.
Actually, I lost my dad's side grandfather when I was 7. Then lots of other people who died in car accidents and suicides. So my life was never a happy one.
I wrote stories at middle school because that was when I began to read more. It was around the time my grandfather died when I gradually got out of writing stories. I was really good then, believe me I was. But some reason, I was never good at sentences. So, don't get me wrong, I always wrote like this since I could remember. I always remember that I enjoyed singing and dancing. Everyday, I sing. Hehe. I wrote songs as a child. And still do every once a while. I was never taught any instrument because my dad was like that. He did got me a guitar but I got out of it because people made fun of me. You see... I get out of things quickly if people made fun of me. It seems... dancing and singing are the only two things that never stopped me.
Anyways, back to high school... my grandfather passed away when I was 16/17. Again I don't have a good memory because I had a bad time during that time. I was highly depressed and lost tons of weight. I was skinny. If any of you seen my prom picture, that was because I was depressed before and had lost all that weight. Of course, I had two stages of depression happened to me. This is my third stage... because I'm losing weight the wrong way. (Don't tell my mom or she'll tell me that I'm gonna kill myself again... These people these days!)
I was happy when I left for college. Because I wanted to get out and away from home. My family are all broken apart since my grandfather passed away.
During that time, I didn't know what to do. But I had my mind set to writing then. Then I realize something years after I was forced to drop out of college what I really wanted to do. I wanted to teach English to people who can't speak English.
Yes, it had been my dream before. And thankfully... I met all kinds of people online. And with the world getting bigger on the Internet, so does my life.
Anyways... I really want to teach English but with a lot of things going on with my life, I can't find a job because all the jobs here locally are not hiring anymore. When they do hire, I had no way to get there sadly.
So, I'm making a donation page for you guys to help if you want. I'm not begging nor am I forcing you guys... But you're welcome to help out if you want to. The choice is up to you.
And there's something else I learn: I am not the only one who suffers each and every day. There's people out there that are like me in some way and maybe the same way.
Who knows...
Well, that's all for now.
With love,
BDK
And you're welcome to donate to my paypal. :)
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
113 of 365: Books and Paypal
Considering that I want to have an online book store, I need ideas and where to start. I always dreamed of owning and/or having a book store.
And of course, always dreaming of traveling.
I have been told to make another dance video. I might. Just wait a few days. Since getting my new phone, I'm going to put some songs on there to help me. \o/
Anyways, not sure what to put here because I want to shout to the world that I want to travel! So, I want to make a donation type page to help me move out of here. Not sure how that would work out but I'm gonna try!
Last night, I wrote horrible things in my written personal journal that I don't want my family to see. It basically says I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of being called lazy and weak. I am going to take on a challenge and just go with it. You made me this way. You know who you are.
Also, my first mission is to move out of here.
So... if you really wish to donate any money using paypal (trust worthy site), send me a message at the like page that I post on the upper right hand side.
Yes, Paypal only. I am not going to accept any body's check or credit card unless I use paypal. Sorry folks. I can't accept money just out of nowhere.
I don't want money to pay for a test. I only want money to help me move on. Yes, I'm sounding desperate but where else would I turn to? I don't think I'm the only one that goes and begs for money FYI.
So, comment or send me a message if you want to help. :) Paypal only.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
PS: If I find a website that sells books using paypal only (like Ebay... might end up going there), I will let you guys know~
And of course, always dreaming of traveling.
I have been told to make another dance video. I might. Just wait a few days. Since getting my new phone, I'm going to put some songs on there to help me. \o/
Anyways, not sure what to put here because I want to shout to the world that I want to travel! So, I want to make a donation type page to help me move out of here. Not sure how that would work out but I'm gonna try!
Last night, I wrote horrible things in my written personal journal that I don't want my family to see. It basically says I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of being called lazy and weak. I am going to take on a challenge and just go with it. You made me this way. You know who you are.
Also, my first mission is to move out of here.
So... if you really wish to donate any money using paypal (trust worthy site), send me a message at the like page that I post on the upper right hand side.
Yes, Paypal only. I am not going to accept any body's check or credit card unless I use paypal. Sorry folks. I can't accept money just out of nowhere.
I don't want money to pay for a test. I only want money to help me move on. Yes, I'm sounding desperate but where else would I turn to? I don't think I'm the only one that goes and begs for money FYI.
So, comment or send me a message if you want to help. :) Paypal only.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
PS: If I find a website that sells books using paypal only (like Ebay... might end up going there), I will let you guys know~
Monday, April 22, 2013
112 of 365: Library And Plans
And so I realize that no matter what, you can't change your parents after you tell them what is wrong with them. Yes, I'm too honest.
Anyways, I went to the library and realize that it's only changed by the room... but not by the books. They should really not worry about "best sellers" only. They should start getting all of the books. All of them are awesome.
Well, that's all...
Oh, wait... you are wondering about the word "plans".
I'm going to try to change once again... my life gets back to the old ways because of my family. They tell me that everything is fine. No. It's not.
How can you tell them that you aren't happy?
Oh, well...
Now that's all.
With love,
BDK
Anyways, I went to the library and realize that it's only changed by the room... but not by the books. They should really not worry about "best sellers" only. They should start getting all of the books. All of them are awesome.
Well, that's all...
Oh, wait... you are wondering about the word "plans".
I'm going to try to change once again... my life gets back to the old ways because of my family. They tell me that everything is fine. No. It's not.
How can you tell them that you aren't happy?
Oh, well...
Now that's all.
With love,
BDK
Sunday, April 21, 2013
111 of 365: Book Sale And Thoughts
Alright, there's a lot of things that came to my mind since I was at my grandma's house for the night.
1. I believe we all in some way or another are accidentally racist. Not just that, but we are really bad at stereotypes, religion matters, etc. Though I try my best not to be an accidentally racist, I know I can be one sometimes. I am gratefully however to be respectful and kind to people who are different than me. That's why I don't make enemies so easily. If you got the respect, you can be like me... non accidentally racist.
2. I don't like evil. I don't like how people treats others. I hate how people turns evil to make me turn evil. Seriously guys...
Anyways... not a whole lot but those two things have been on my mind all day. From the time I got up, until now.
I'm glad though...
Because I can travel in peace with me being who I am.
As for the book sale that I went to... I didn't get as many books as I thought I did. I found a lot of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys though. And found out that... boys my age are big readers too. xD
I found out... that I can learn to be dependent on my own. Then nobody has to worry about me. Because one day, I will move out and be on my own... Traveling too.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
1. I believe we all in some way or another are accidentally racist. Not just that, but we are really bad at stereotypes, religion matters, etc. Though I try my best not to be an accidentally racist, I know I can be one sometimes. I am gratefully however to be respectful and kind to people who are different than me. That's why I don't make enemies so easily. If you got the respect, you can be like me... non accidentally racist.
2. I don't like evil. I don't like how people treats others. I hate how people turns evil to make me turn evil. Seriously guys...
Anyways... not a whole lot but those two things have been on my mind all day. From the time I got up, until now.
I'm glad though...
Because I can travel in peace with me being who I am.
As for the book sale that I went to... I didn't get as many books as I thought I did. I found a lot of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys though. And found out that... boys my age are big readers too. xD
I found out... that I can learn to be dependent on my own. Then nobody has to worry about me. Because one day, I will move out and be on my own... Traveling too.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
110 of 365: YESTERDAY (04-20-2013)
I decided that I was bored and went to my grandma's for the day/night. Of course, I felt better not being home. But also... I was bored. I needed my anime!
Anyways, that's it for this day. So... next post is today's blog.
Keep a watch for it.
With love,
BDK
Anyways, that's it for this day. So... next post is today's blog.
Keep a watch for it.
With love,
BDK
Friday, April 19, 2013
109 of 365: Nobody Changed The Desk Calender?!
Yep... Just noticed that. I think my mom is forgetful of the days. So those 365 day calenders are doing no good for her xD
Anyways, not to scare anybody but I'm being lazy again. Why?! Because I'm getting emotionally and mentally unstable again. My mind is telling me that everything is alright. No, it's not. I'm trying to tell my mind to stop telling me lies. But I'm beginning to wonder if somebody is right about me.
But no, I need encouragement! I don't need this! I need to concentrate on my goal. Doing surveys bring me mind blown and headaches moments. It's annoying. I am not doing this on purpose, guys... just... my mind wants me to go to sleep and not do anything.
I've been trying to stay away from Facebook... but... you know... It's working a little. I update up to three to five status a day. Most times, I update to just three only. That's not too bad considering that it's a social media overdrive.
Anyways, I might change a bit more by keeping my blogs longer. A thought a day. Right?
Well, who knows what will happen later. But hopefully... not me being lazy anymore. I mean... I love anime, books and everything.
You know... I just got an idea... but not everybody is going to know what that is just yet. I have to wait until Monday.
For now... That is all.
With love,
BDK
Anyways, not to scare anybody but I'm being lazy again. Why?! Because I'm getting emotionally and mentally unstable again. My mind is telling me that everything is alright. No, it's not. I'm trying to tell my mind to stop telling me lies. But I'm beginning to wonder if somebody is right about me.
But no, I need encouragement! I don't need this! I need to concentrate on my goal. Doing surveys bring me mind blown and headaches moments. It's annoying. I am not doing this on purpose, guys... just... my mind wants me to go to sleep and not do anything.
I've been trying to stay away from Facebook... but... you know... It's working a little. I update up to three to five status a day. Most times, I update to just three only. That's not too bad considering that it's a social media overdrive.
Anyways, I might change a bit more by keeping my blogs longer. A thought a day. Right?
Well, who knows what will happen later. But hopefully... not me being lazy anymore. I mean... I love anime, books and everything.
You know... I just got an idea... but not everybody is going to know what that is just yet. I have to wait until Monday.
For now... That is all.
With love,
BDK
Thursday, April 18, 2013
108 of 365: Sleepy And Pain
I always wonder about how the days go by.
Whatever happened, we must remember, we can't predict anything.
Anyways, this is going to be a short post for today because I am sleepy and in pain... well, not the type of pain you all think ;)
That is all though.
With love,
BDK
Whatever happened, we must remember, we can't predict anything.
Anyways, this is going to be a short post for today because I am sleepy and in pain... well, not the type of pain you all think ;)
That is all though.
With love,
BDK
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
107 of 365: Rainy Wednesday.
There seems to be something about storms that I don't like. Oh, yea... because of the tornadoes that went by year ago.
In the wake of a storm coming in the middle of the night, you don't know if there's going to be a tornado coming your way or not. Those are the worst of times.
I was rudely awaken by the storm at 3:30AM in the morning. Chloe, my dog refused to not go in the floor because she was so scared. For 4 years, this was the first time that I ever saw my dog scared like that.
I'm sleepy because of the rain. And I'm afraid that I would be rudely awaken by the rain/storm tonight if it comes again.
All I wish right now is to get away from here.
For now, I'll be patient with looking at the news paper. All the other jobs, I have asked but they are not hiring now.
So... That is all.
With love,
BDK
In the wake of a storm coming in the middle of the night, you don't know if there's going to be a tornado coming your way or not. Those are the worst of times.
I was rudely awaken by the storm at 3:30AM in the morning. Chloe, my dog refused to not go in the floor because she was so scared. For 4 years, this was the first time that I ever saw my dog scared like that.
I'm sleepy because of the rain. And I'm afraid that I would be rudely awaken by the rain/storm tonight if it comes again.
All I wish right now is to get away from here.
For now, I'll be patient with looking at the news paper. All the other jobs, I have asked but they are not hiring now.
So... That is all.
With love,
BDK
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
106 of 365: Untitled Hopes
Alright, seems like it's another day of trying to figure out why I am the way I am. Well... you know, I blame my mom just this once. I tell her I want to go out get a job. She tells me there isn't any. So... all the jobs are literally outside of town or the city limits. Walking there takes me a while because of where I live. It would be nice to live closer to these jobs. All the jobs nearby or in town are not hiring. I asked. Believe me... I have asked many times. Plus, the businesses are closing one by one. Where are all the jobs in town? Outside of town. 10 miles out of town. And I can't keep walking every day without the fear of getting hurt or worse. That's me.
I'm scared of being alone. That's just the thing. And this town is full of druggies and yes, there have been reports of rapes here too. A class mate of mine had been a victim of one after she graduated from school. And people seem to take an issue on me because of who I am. I don't like asking... Never did. And my last name doesn't help because this county is full of bad people with the same last name. Sucks to be me right now.
I want to move. It takes money to move. But I can save money really easily. I think I will do that from now in hopes to get enough to escape from here. Time... isn't my friend right now. My birthday is next month (two to three weeks from now in fact!) And I'm not getting any younger. I'm trying out for jobs online (Legal jobs... don't worry.) And I wish I remember the website that actually did paid me (proof on Paypal!)
Really... I'm up for suggestions and yes, I want somebody to drive me to places. This county has nothing here! Nothing that is worth living here anymore.
Really... who in world loves this place?
All I want is my dreams to be real. I know it takes work to get there but crap, people... I GET IT! I'M TRYING. But my mind is betraying me.
Don't worry... I'm fighting my mind.
And now...
I'm being worthless right now so... I'm up for suggestions on what to do next. And don't say "Go kill yourself" because... really... you're an idiot for thinking that.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
PS: Also... I told my family that I don't want to go to Lexington, KY in June. But do they listen? No. I'm going but I'm going to tell them that I don't want the SSI. With the way things are going right now, it's pointless to get that.
I'm scared of being alone. That's just the thing. And this town is full of druggies and yes, there have been reports of rapes here too. A class mate of mine had been a victim of one after she graduated from school. And people seem to take an issue on me because of who I am. I don't like asking... Never did. And my last name doesn't help because this county is full of bad people with the same last name. Sucks to be me right now.
I want to move. It takes money to move. But I can save money really easily. I think I will do that from now in hopes to get enough to escape from here. Time... isn't my friend right now. My birthday is next month (two to three weeks from now in fact!) And I'm not getting any younger. I'm trying out for jobs online (Legal jobs... don't worry.) And I wish I remember the website that actually did paid me (proof on Paypal!)
Really... I'm up for suggestions and yes, I want somebody to drive me to places. This county has nothing here! Nothing that is worth living here anymore.
Really... who in world loves this place?
All I want is my dreams to be real. I know it takes work to get there but crap, people... I GET IT! I'M TRYING. But my mind is betraying me.
Don't worry... I'm fighting my mind.
And now...
I'm being worthless right now so... I'm up for suggestions on what to do next. And don't say "Go kill yourself" because... really... you're an idiot for thinking that.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
PS: Also... I told my family that I don't want to go to Lexington, KY in June. But do they listen? No. I'm going but I'm going to tell them that I don't want the SSI. With the way things are going right now, it's pointless to get that.
Monday, April 15, 2013
105 of 365: Bombs and Ringing Ears: Not Connected
Sadly, we are going through a horrible thing in Boston today. But I don't want to go into detail about this because it's everywhere on the news. Noticed how if something happens here, that it would be going non-stop about it. However, my heart and prayers are going to them though.
In other news... my ears are annoying me right now. An annoying ringing noise on my right ear. All I wish is for it to go away. I guess I have to figure out what to do about it. D:
Anyways... not a lot to talk about because I've been sleepy all day... it seems that my sleep was cut short because my mom wanted to tell me about what happened. I'm sure I would've found out another way, mom!
I'm going to end this now and figure out what to do with the ringing noise in my ear...
That is all.
With love,
BDK
In other news... my ears are annoying me right now. An annoying ringing noise on my right ear. All I wish is for it to go away. I guess I have to figure out what to do about it. D:
Anyways... not a lot to talk about because I've been sleepy all day... it seems that my sleep was cut short because my mom wanted to tell me about what happened. I'm sure I would've found out another way, mom!
I'm going to end this now and figure out what to do with the ringing noise in my ear...
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Sunday, April 14, 2013
104 OF 365: Mostly A World of Lies.
I hate how my family is.
They bring in lies and they hurt me.
And this town keeps getting worse by the minute. In fact... it's so bad that they are making fun of this county. I'm laughing with joy because of it. xD
I really hate this county... and this town...
Seriously though...
Anyways, I got a new phone in case anybody wonders... I've used it yesterday to publish yesterday's blog but the typing is going to be a bit hard to getting used to.
Besides... I love it.
Well... That's all.
With love,
BDK
They bring in lies and they hurt me.
And this town keeps getting worse by the minute. In fact... it's so bad that they are making fun of this county. I'm laughing with joy because of it. xD
I really hate this county... and this town...
Seriously though...
Anyways, I got a new phone in case anybody wonders... I've used it yesterday to publish yesterday's blog but the typing is going to be a bit hard to getting used to.
Besides... I love it.
Well... That's all.
With love,
BDK
Saturday, April 13, 2013
103 of 365: A new day.
Each and everyday I keep thinking about my life. Then I realize that I am going to start a new life soon.
I'm not sure what to expect but I hope it is good news. Alright.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Friday, April 12, 2013
102 of 365: Life Ever Lasting
Everyday, I wake up. I wanted to be happy. But my happiness is somewhere else. Just exactly where that is...? Well, it's unknown to me right now.
I'm alive because I'm forcing myself to be happy. I'm alive because of something inside of me. I'm just alive.
And each and every day, I sit here, waiting for somebody else to come and tell me things that I don't want to hear.
And my wish... to become an English teacher in Asia.
And I have support from friends. Thankfully.
Now all I need to do... is stop wasting all my time.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
I'm alive because I'm forcing myself to be happy. I'm alive because of something inside of me. I'm just alive.
And each and every day, I sit here, waiting for somebody else to come and tell me things that I don't want to hear.
And my wish... to become an English teacher in Asia.
And I have support from friends. Thankfully.
Now all I need to do... is stop wasting all my time.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Thursday, April 11, 2013
101 of 365: Storms ahead.
Today has been a good day... aside from the fact there is a storm heading this way. :(
Anyways, I'm not sure what to put here because I don't really want to say what I done today. Truly... you don't need to know.
Until I figure out what to do, I will tell you. Things aren't easy but time isn't on my side either.
Tomorrow is Friday. So it's another day.
And that's all.
With love,
BDK
Anyways, I'm not sure what to put here because I don't really want to say what I done today. Truly... you don't need to know.
Until I figure out what to do, I will tell you. Things aren't easy but time isn't on my side either.
Tomorrow is Friday. So it's another day.
And that's all.
With love,
BDK
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
100 of 365: Why wait?
That's all I wonder anymore. Because why wait?
What is my mom waiting for? I'm just curious... what is in her mind?
I may never know.
Anyways... I'm going to end this really short because I found a game but it's not too great like Eden Eternal is. If you are interested, play Age of Wushu.
Alright, that is all.
With love,
BDK
What is my mom waiting for? I'm just curious... what is in her mind?
I may never know.
Anyways... I'm going to end this really short because I found a game but it's not too great like Eden Eternal is. If you are interested, play Age of Wushu.
Alright, that is all.
With love,
BDK
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
99 of 365: Who Knew?
Who knew that there would be things to find out? Who knew there is a wide possibility out there? Who knew?
Anyways, I should start by telling you that I want to start trying to find stuff to do. There are things out there that could bring out the good in all of us. We just got to start looking high and low. There's nothing wrong with being who you are.
And me?
I am me. I believe in myself more than ever and I just want my family to see that I have a desire to move somewhere that is not here.
Today, I found out... a lot of things in fact... I'm not sure if you want to know what I'm talking about. I'm trying not go into insane mode because my mental status. I'm trying to be strong. It's not hard. It's not impossible either. So, guys, if you got dreams... Don't Give Up. Ever.
There is times that you have thought that you want to give up just because of something in your life. My wish is to have a better life.
I don't mind the risks but all I care... is getting there.
That's important to me right now.
So again... don't bring me down.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Anyways, I should start by telling you that I want to start trying to find stuff to do. There are things out there that could bring out the good in all of us. We just got to start looking high and low. There's nothing wrong with being who you are.
And me?
I am me. I believe in myself more than ever and I just want my family to see that I have a desire to move somewhere that is not here.
Today, I found out... a lot of things in fact... I'm not sure if you want to know what I'm talking about. I'm trying not go into insane mode because my mental status. I'm trying to be strong. It's not hard. It's not impossible either. So, guys, if you got dreams... Don't Give Up. Ever.
There is times that you have thought that you want to give up just because of something in your life. My wish is to have a better life.
I don't mind the risks but all I care... is getting there.
That's important to me right now.
So again... don't bring me down.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Monday, April 8, 2013
98 of 365: Dancer Soul
I love a day like today. I guess you could say that the wind loves to push you to the extreme.
So I danced.
I miss dancing so much. In fact, I just love dancing so much that I enjoyed doing it. xD
Though I'm not good at following directions, I can practice right? xD
Anyways, I'm not a pro yet but I would like to try doing some break dancing/ DDR type steps. Youtube DDR sometimes and you know what I'm talking about. xD
So, from now I'm gonna practice at least once a day between 5 to 30 minutes with dancing. It'll be good exercise for me and I'm happy to do it. :)
I'll get back to being a dancing queen and of course... I want to spread it by doing youtube myself. So... yea.
Well, that's all for now.
With love,
BDK
So I danced.
I miss dancing so much. In fact, I just love dancing so much that I enjoyed doing it. xD
Though I'm not good at following directions, I can practice right? xD
Anyways, I'm not a pro yet but I would like to try doing some break dancing/ DDR type steps. Youtube DDR sometimes and you know what I'm talking about. xD
So, from now I'm gonna practice at least once a day between 5 to 30 minutes with dancing. It'll be good exercise for me and I'm happy to do it. :)
I'll get back to being a dancing queen and of course... I want to spread it by doing youtube myself. So... yea.
Well, that's all for now.
With love,
BDK
Sunday, April 7, 2013
97 of 365: Happy For A Change
I don't know why I'm happy but I believe it might be this weather. And plus, I want to change.
I'm tired of having my parents say that they want to come with me. Yes, each time I tell my mom that I want to live on my own, she's like "I'm coming!" Mom... what if I don't want you to come? Do you ever think about that? I care about you but you can't come with me always.
And I'm glad that I have friends. xD
Yes, I won't let that down. Because without my friend helping me emotionally and mentally, I may not be like this. I don't care if you're a he... you're my best friend.
And in fact... I get along with people really well who are into about the same things as me... so if a female is like me, I will get along with her as well. :) Of course, I have a female friend now, and I claim her as my little sister. :3
So... I'm happy for a change.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
I'm tired of having my parents say that they want to come with me. Yes, each time I tell my mom that I want to live on my own, she's like "I'm coming!" Mom... what if I don't want you to come? Do you ever think about that? I care about you but you can't come with me always.
And I'm glad that I have friends. xD
Yes, I won't let that down. Because without my friend helping me emotionally and mentally, I may not be like this. I don't care if you're a he... you're my best friend.
And in fact... I get along with people really well who are into about the same things as me... so if a female is like me, I will get along with her as well. :) Of course, I have a female friend now, and I claim her as my little sister. :3
So... I'm happy for a change.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Saturday, April 6, 2013
96 of 365: Some News
Alright, I have decided to become a full fledged Otaku. So, my posts will be something about anime or books on FB. xD
But here, it will be reviews (maybe).
Also, I'm getting my phone next month. So excited.
And, also next month is my birthday. I'll be turning 27 years old.
I found an article yesterday that states that if you want to travel, go for it. I am. It might take me a while to get started, but I will and am going to travel. Even if I get a job that involves traveling, I will. :)
Anyways... those are the news. Might bring you a better blog through out the year. Because some reason... my luck is about to turn out for the good... don't know why.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
But here, it will be reviews (maybe).
Also, I'm getting my phone next month. So excited.
And, also next month is my birthday. I'll be turning 27 years old.
I found an article yesterday that states that if you want to travel, go for it. I am. It might take me a while to get started, but I will and am going to travel. Even if I get a job that involves traveling, I will. :)
Anyways... those are the news. Might bring you a better blog through out the year. Because some reason... my luck is about to turn out for the good... don't know why.
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Friday, April 5, 2013
95 of 365: My Dreams Part 2
Since a child, I vowed that I would move away from home. I think I came home because I was lost and confused. Then all those things happened to me in that short of time. It messed with my mind.
I guess you could say... I really need to leave soon. With my dad being the way he is, and my mom saying she don't want to let me go (overly attached much? Yep.)
I'm not happy. They think I should be forced to be happy... it's not possible. How can you be forced to be happy in a household full of hell?
Anyways... I am close to getting enough to get my phone... but I need to get my dad to help... And he's really stubborn. Stubbornness is a problem with my dad. He doesn't care about me. He may act like he does... but does he care about my happiness? No.
My dreams are clear... I need to get out of here. While I'm still able and while I finally got my mind cleared.
My mind still has a long way to go to heal. Too many things happening to me. Right now, the only thing helps is being with friends.
So, thank you, Rai... since I hope you still read this blog. xD
Anyways, I'm going to watch anime until midnight... need to clear my mind from everything else.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
I guess you could say... I really need to leave soon. With my dad being the way he is, and my mom saying she don't want to let me go (overly attached much? Yep.)
I'm not happy. They think I should be forced to be happy... it's not possible. How can you be forced to be happy in a household full of hell?
Anyways... I am close to getting enough to get my phone... but I need to get my dad to help... And he's really stubborn. Stubbornness is a problem with my dad. He doesn't care about me. He may act like he does... but does he care about my happiness? No.
My dreams are clear... I need to get out of here. While I'm still able and while I finally got my mind cleared.
My mind still has a long way to go to heal. Too many things happening to me. Right now, the only thing helps is being with friends.
So, thank you, Rai... since I hope you still read this blog. xD
Anyways, I'm going to watch anime until midnight... need to clear my mind from everything else.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
Thursday, April 4, 2013
94 of 365: My Dreams Part 1
I always dream of Asia since I was first introduced to China. I learned so much history about China alone.
Then I went further... learning about Japanese through anime. My first anime was Sailor Moon but I didn't know it was anime at the time. Then growing up, I learn more and more about Japanese culture and their anime. Digimon was my world... while everybody else was Pokemon. xD
High school age, I was becoming addicted to anime more and more. College age, I became an anime freak. So... I'm close to being an Otaku. xD
I don't think I will ever stop loving anime. The art, the beauty, the history, the story, etc.
So, yea... cultures from Asia are awesome.
And just last year, I got into Korean history (mostly South Korea).
Then I met my friend who was my boyfriend... and he's from Indonesia. But the culture for that place seems to be mixed with Islamic and other. But you know... I learn about other places close to there. And that's where Singapore come in at.
So, one day, I will be in Singapore. :3
Anyways... I'm glad to have an Asian friend, but I will call him my best friend ever. :)
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Then I went further... learning about Japanese through anime. My first anime was Sailor Moon but I didn't know it was anime at the time. Then growing up, I learn more and more about Japanese culture and their anime. Digimon was my world... while everybody else was Pokemon. xD
High school age, I was becoming addicted to anime more and more. College age, I became an anime freak. So... I'm close to being an Otaku. xD
I don't think I will ever stop loving anime. The art, the beauty, the history, the story, etc.
So, yea... cultures from Asia are awesome.
And just last year, I got into Korean history (mostly South Korea).
Then I met my friend who was my boyfriend... and he's from Indonesia. But the culture for that place seems to be mixed with Islamic and other. But you know... I learn about other places close to there. And that's where Singapore come in at.
So, one day, I will be in Singapore. :3
Anyways... I'm glad to have an Asian friend, but I will call him my best friend ever. :)
That is all.
With love,
BDK
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
93 of 365: Worst Mood Ever
And all I want is to talk to my close friend.
But whatever is going on, there's no telling what will happen later on.
Anyways, that is all.
With love,
BDK
PS: I'm just feeling bad and just wish he would talk to me at least... Sorry...
But whatever is going on, there's no telling what will happen later on.
Anyways, that is all.
With love,
BDK
PS: I'm just feeling bad and just wish he would talk to me at least... Sorry...
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
92 of 365: Headache of Heck
There are moments that I want to hop on a bus and just get away from here. Seriously...
Why does every time my dad comes home, there's this mood that everything literally feels like it's turning gray?
Oh, well.
I have something important to do now.
And I'm tired of how everybody keeps bringing me down.
Enough.
Anyways, that is all.
With love,
BDK
Why does every time my dad comes home, there's this mood that everything literally feels like it's turning gray?
Oh, well.
I have something important to do now.
And I'm tired of how everybody keeps bringing me down.
Enough.
Anyways, that is all.
With love,
BDK
Monday, April 1, 2013
91 of 365: Happy April Fool's Day Minna-San!
And so, today, I have been seeing a lot of trolling. Youtube announcing that they are deleting EVERYTHING by midnight, Pewds and his GF switching places. And me having an anime BF. xD
This has been a fun day. Though my mood was good until the afternoon, I actually had a good time.
Maybe tomorrow will actually be a good day.
Anyways, I'm keeping it short today.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
This has been a fun day. Though my mood was good until the afternoon, I actually had a good time.
Maybe tomorrow will actually be a good day.
Anyways, I'm keeping it short today.
That's all.
With love,
BDK
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