I Don't Know Anymore

You ever get that thought that maybe you're not the one and you're trying your best to be the one and yet, it feels like they are planning your death even though you are not dead yet...

Yea... many times... I just thought this person would know better to do this towards me. It makes me tend to overthink and worry a lot.

And well... you know...

I just don't know. I made them take the choice of not doing this again or get the consequences... and you really don't want to know what the consequences are. 

You really think that somebody like that would understand that I don't like the idea of people making plans in case something happens to me... and ask the person instead of coming to me.

It bothers me a lot.

And yea... I talked to them about it. The question is... will they ever do that again?

Granted, I did sneaked and took a screenshot as evidence in case anything does happen... it's how I am.

I really feel like they are making it harder for me to be in love... and really less in love.

If you wanted to talk about that... do it to me only... not to the person you are planning to do it with...

It really sucks.

I hate it.

I just don't know...

See ya tomorrow.

Oh, yea... test went great. I am fine... now to wait until Feb. 3rd for the results.

Meep.

B 

Hoping for the best

 I have a lot of stuff to think about. Since tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I won't be home. And I will be doing my journals and blog really late tomorrow... maybe.

Just wished that all is well, but who knows.

I am tired of how the world is being right now... and hope that all is well for whatever the reason is.

Just hoping for the best.

Yea...

See ya tomorrow and I will let you know what's up.

B

Today Has Been A Lot

 I guess today has been a lot to deal with. But it's okay.

I should be okay. Who knows.

I am so ready for the new day to be starting again, but who knows.

I went to the store, got that done... only to go out again to take my aunt to the store and back to her home.

You would think she would understand that she needs a new vehicle... so yea.

Anyway, shall get back to my daily life... and finishing up my journals. Since I did finish the edits on my videos.... I am going to upload two more avatars for both me and my partner.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Just Things I Need To Think About

I am trying to be in the best mood possible. And in reality, nobody really cares about what I think.

There's a reason why I don't want to leave from here. And that reason is because I don't want to lose my mom right now. I need to be there for her at all costs.

Even if it means that I will never get a home. And I just gave up at this point on ever trying because I need to be here for my mom.

Nobody really understands that I need to be here and I can't leave from here. Her sister is here... her family grave is here.

She already gave up... and at this point, how her health is... she won't be able to go anywhere anymore.

I don't want to give up... but I do realized that I need to get my hip fixed at some point this year. 

4 weeks of recovery, 6 months of physical therapy is gonna be hard. But it's all in the matter of getting my hip fixed.

And because of that, I can't go anywhere. I won't be able to. I just can't do it.

Kentucky might be my home, but I really don't care where I go... it's just my health and my family is going to be first before anything else.

And this is a conversation that I need to sit down with my whole family online just in case...

I love them... just I can't be stressed out or anything right now. I am doing this for my own health.

See ya tomorrow.

B

Should I be Okay?

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be okay. Thins are just gonna get harder for me and that's how it's gonna be for me.

Ah, well.

I am trying my best to be okay when I am truly not.

I blame my period for most of the things.

I should be okay for a bit.... who knows.

Anyway, shall get back to my daily journals... in hopes that I will be okay. 

See ya tomorrow.

B

My Choice Is About To Get Strict

Sometimes actions have consequences, but this is just the last straw. I felt like they dodge the whole idea of getting someone's side... instead they chose to just unfriend someone.

And yea... enough is enough.

And people really do need to stop and listen a lot.

You cannot just unfriend or just go away without confronting them first. Like my ex, he refused to talk it out... and yea.

Things are not as they seem... and I had enough.

And my choice is about to get strict and I don't think anybody will like it.

See ya tomorrow.

B

I Hate Weekends

Sometimes people forget to realized that I have a life too. And it really is hard on me that I get home late and have to deal with shit.

And yea...

I am behind on my journals because of that.

This is why I stopped doing my journals because people keeps pulling me back and forth... and it's not good for my mental state. 

And this is the very thing on why I hate weekends.

Anyway, see ya tomorrow.

B